She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
