but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
