How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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