Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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