what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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