Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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