I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
