i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
