i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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