I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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