How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize