when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
