Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My dick has a subreddit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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