Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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