I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
