this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
