Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
