Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
zippers are such a cool invention
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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