Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
