There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
