Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
