When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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