i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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