apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
