Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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