My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
