never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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