TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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