dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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