The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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