there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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