Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
