Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
