Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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