I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
