Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
