I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She even gives head with a lisp.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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