And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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