I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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