Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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