my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
