Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize