I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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