I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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