Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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