Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
