I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
