That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
