I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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