ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
