Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
