i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
