I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
