Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
