R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
