We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
