Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
