# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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