My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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