dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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