Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
