Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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