guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
