70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
