i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
