you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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