You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
